My Mental Health
I’ve been off sick from work with anxiety and increasing levels of depression since the end of September. During this time my mental health has been the worst it’s ever been. This has affected every aspect of my life and I’ve had to answer some really difficult questions about myself and my future. I’m blessed to have an amazingly supportive family and so the love and support I’ve received has seen me through.
My blog is a form of therapy to me and anybody reading it will clearly see that I struggle with my mental health. I use the blog to let off steam, I talk about my experiences and I try to help others by sharing my experiences.
Regulations vs Compassion
I’ve been intentionally quiet about my issues recently. Unfortunately my blog has been subject to some intense, unwarranted scrutiny of late. It was discovered that after saving one of my blog cover photos to a desktop and zooming in x 2 you could see some confidential data. I’m honestly not exaggerating, you’d have to really look hard for this tiny bit of data. You’d have to go out of your way to save the photo and zoom in to see it.
It was a genuine oversight and as soon as it was pointed out to me I apologised and immediately took the post down. All is well. However that wasn’t the end of it. It was then deemed appropriate to start a disciplinary investigation against me. This is my first slight error in 11 years. This would be over the top at the best of times but to do this while I’m suffering some of the darkest times I’ve ever experienced lacks a certain amount of compassion.
My Mental Health – The Inability to Fight Back
Around a month ago I was asked to attend a meeting about my return to work, although this disciplinary issue was also on the agenda. I attended in body but I was a shell of my normal self. I didn’t have it in me to fight my corner, question the process or ask for more detail. Deep down I knew that I was unhappy about the situation but I was powerless to react in the way I wanted to. This made me feel even worse. Last week I received a letter through the post from HR informing of the disciplinary investigation and including a copy of the regulations that I’d breached. I’m off sick with mental health illnesses. I’m being sent disciplinary notices about a misplaced photo.
Fortunately I’m in a much better place at the moment. I’m feeling 10 times stronger than I was at the time of the first meeting. The situation doesn’t make me feel ill anymore, not at the moment anyway. Instead it makes me feel fired up. It takes a lot to rile me but once it happens I will fight my corner, or that of anybody else that is being mistreated.
The Bigger Picture
Having suffered the way I have I feel duty bound to stand up for myself. Not to better the situation for myself. If anything I’m only going to make things worse. Sometimes though, the greater good is what matters.
I’m not going to stand by and say nothing, allowing others to be treated in the way that I have been. Some things are too important to ignore.
My dad is my hero. I know that in this situation he would do the same, that’s enough for me to know that I’m doing the right thing.
Today was the follow up meeting. I’m not going to go in to detail for obvious reasons. No doubt there will be people reading this blog now looking for something to nail me to the wall with. I was much happier with how the meeting went today. I managed to express myself and was pleasantly surprised at how strong I stayed. A good friend of mine attended the meeting with me and this show of support really meant a lot. It made me feel at ease and reminded me that there are good people out there that care.
I never thought that I would be a victim of discrimination based on my mental health illnesses. For the record, I’m not claiming that I’m being discriminated against now. If anybody reading this came to that conclusion then that would be entirely up to them.